Christianity is not a Cure for Suicide

Let me start out by saying two things: one, I have been suicidal off and on from the time I was 6 years old; two, no, this post is not a cry for help or attention. I have dealt with my demons and wrestle them daily, and you don't need to worry about me. (Really; I use homeopathic anti-depressants and have been to therapy, and I have several emotional accountability partners who check on me constantly). But in the light of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade's passing, and the horrible things people are saying about them (from a supposedly "Christian" standpoint), I cannot in good conscience sit back and not share my own heart in the midst of these things.

As you small group of my readers know well, so many of my posts are fueled by anger or outrage, or both. This post is not an exception. You may be wondering, what pissed me off this time? Why, the homily a deacon at my church gave this past weekend.

Let me give you a brief glimpse into what he said, verbatim:

"I wish someone told Anthony Bourdain that life is more than travel and food. And Kate Spade...you know ladies, life is more than handbags."

That alone was worthy to spawn an entire blog post on the ignorant, chauvinistic, sexist themes so terribly thrown about--but it gets worse:

"If someone had just told [Anthony] about Jesus Christ, he would have seen there was more to life."

I would have gotten up and walked out, middle of Mass or not, if it weren't for my longing for communion, and I needed it even more now than I already did before this disturbing edict given at the pulpit. I was so angry, and hurt, and terrified that someone there who was currently struggling with suicide would take his supposedly "positive" message and use it as a further reason toward self-destruction. I uttered a desperate prayer that the deacon's words would be wiped away from those people's minds, because I knew too well how any sort of message like this comes across to someone who is tired of living.

As I'm sure you're well accustomed to, here is another one of my "oversharing" moments, but I can't sit back silent and let that deacon's words, and the words of so many other blindly ignorant and disgustingly judgmental people, be the only words people hear.

I am a cradle Catholic. I was born and raised in the Church, and received all of my current sacraments, including Baptism, First Reconciliation (Confession), First Communion, and Confirmation within its traditions. The only reason I am listing these is to make one very sobering point, for those ignorant or "well-meaning", or both, who always come out on their bullhorns after a celebrity suicide: Christianity is not a Cure-All, overnight, lightswitch solution to suicide or its temptations. How do I know this? Because I've been suicidal the vast majority of my life, and still am, and I have not only been raised in the faith but am desperately in love with Christ and STILL STRUGGLE sometimes to ignore those death-like voices that whisper in my ear that the world is wretched and lost, and so am I. (Again, please don't panic: I am not actively suicidal, nor do I plan it or any such thing. The burden of my life gets a bit heavy at times, and I remind myself that it is because the world is so broken and dead that Christ came in the first place, and that comforts me.)

Now, this same edict can be applied to any creed or faith of any kind, whether religious or not. There is no magic potion or formula to give to people to stop this. One thing I abhor people doing in the wake of tragedies like this is creating the ill-conceived lists of how to prevent these things from ever happening again. Not only is this unrealistic, but it is also cruel to those who have struggled still struggle, and will struggle in dealing with a world that tramples us to the ground and screams mercilessly in our ears.

So stop making the lists, and listen:

Sometimes (and more often than not) there isn't anything you can directly do to prevent someone from taking their life. Despite the zealousness in that deacon's shouted precept, telling people about Jesus Christ and preaching to them is not going to make them suddenly not suicidal, or depressed, or any of those things. Take it from someone who knows.

What I WILL say is this: you can be there. You can be open to those who may be too numb to even articulate their pain, but need someone to play video games with, or watch movies, or take a walk. Or just sit on the phone with them and let them tell you how scared they are of the weight of their life in their hands.

Be their emotional accountability partner, if they want. Point them to ACTUAL resources that are professionally grounded to handle suicidal thoughts and temptations (whether that be counselling, psychiatry, etc). Don't take it upon yourself to declare to your immediate sphere of influence, whether it is a few friends or an entire congregation, what you have convinced yourself you know about suicide and just how to keep people living. The cost of that kind of thinking is terrifying.

I've been on both sides of that conversation, and there needs to be room in people's lives to have BOTH. Don't shove tired theology down people's throats, especially when you have no idea how it will effect people who are on the other end of your bantering.

Now, I will also say this, because it's the honest truth: my conversion at 16 (when my suicidal temptations were at their worst) happened during a Charismatic healing service at a Catholic/Christian conference. A priest and a group of kids prayed over me, and through nothing short of a miracle of God, a ray of Divine light struck my heart just enough to make me want to keep living, despite all my reasons to the contrary. To this day, that ray of light strikes me, and I am still here to live this life God gave me.

But it has NOT been easy, and it didn't get any easier after I was prayed over. In fact, some days it grew harder to convince myself life is indeed worth living because the contradiction between the potential of God's beauty in the world and how it is constantly, perpetually violated, tears through my heart like a knotched blade.

I will not be the one to ever deny the work of the life of God in the world, and its ability, through its own merit, to heal hearts and to save. But I will be the one who will say outright that, whether it is in the feedback of an abused microphone or the white-washed graves of blog posts and comment threads condemning any and all suicide victims to Hell, that is NOT how to keep people from harming themselves. You shouldn't have to have been tempted by suicide to know this, yet here we are.

Live your faith before preaching it.
Let Christ work on hearts, and just follow Him.

For those who struggle, Christian or not, to want to live: I love you, and so do so many others. Through the pain, and the fear, and the haunted memories, there is a world inside your heart and yourself that does have life; it does bloom, and it is beautiful. It has been said a million times, but I will say it here, hoping beyond hope that you will take it as it is meant: life is worth living, and you are needed here. You are beautiful, and worthy, and worth it, even if no one else has told you so.

Please stay.

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ (for online chat, if you don't want to talk on the phone)