Goodbye My Almost Lover
"Write hard and clear about what hurts."
--Ernest Hemingway
Okay, here goes...
It took me 6 months to listen to your favorite band. They had become one of my favorite bands, too, but you were why I couldn't listen to them for so long after I ended it.
When the song you did a YouTube cover on played on the radio, I'd turn it off because my eyes would burn.
I didn't want to end it. As trite as that sounds, I really didn't want to. I had to, but everything in me burned to the contrary. One of the few times I've had to choose head over heart.
Why couldn't it work out? Why couldn't you have just accepted me, all of me?
I know, this sounds like emotional dribble, and even though I know you'll never read this, I have to get this out, because I've been missing you lately.
You said things to me no man has ever said, nor did I think any man could say to me, or would even want to say to me.
Those sweet moments of staying up until 4 am singing back and forth to each other, or sneaking lunch break texts when the time difference was favorable, will always be some of my favorite memories. I'll never forget the joy that filled my heart when I would hear my phone go off. You constantly made me laugh; you constantly made me smile.
You know, I really did think you were handsome. You never believed me, and now you probably never will, but you were.
Your love for God and your devotion to faith was incredible, and I never thought I would meet a man with such fervor that was actually interested in me.
I would have waited for you. But would you have waited for me?
Would you have ever really accepted me, even if I had lost all that weight?
Was I really that repulsive? Were you not attracted to me at all?
"Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. That song is the thorn under my skin, thinking about you. You were almost my lover, going beyond physicality and intimacy in the flesh to something deeper, because that is ultimately what we are looking for at the end of our life when the attractions of the flesh are gone.
We used to speak to each other in music; hours of conversation would be made entirely of song lyrics and bits of covers we'd sing. So here's my goodbye song to you.
Thank you, Kenji, for all the good times. Despite the bad, I don't look at you bitterly. On the contrary, I'm so grateful to have met you, and to have been friends, even for such a short time.
Goodbye.
"Goodbye, my almost lover/
Goodbye my hopeless dream/
I'm trying not to think about you/
Can't you just let me be?/
So long, my luckless romance/
My back is turned on you/
Should've known you'd bring me heartache/
Almost lovers always do."
--Ernest Hemingway
Okay, here goes...
It took me 6 months to listen to your favorite band. They had become one of my favorite bands, too, but you were why I couldn't listen to them for so long after I ended it.
When the song you did a YouTube cover on played on the radio, I'd turn it off because my eyes would burn.
I didn't want to end it. As trite as that sounds, I really didn't want to. I had to, but everything in me burned to the contrary. One of the few times I've had to choose head over heart.
Why couldn't it work out? Why couldn't you have just accepted me, all of me?
I know, this sounds like emotional dribble, and even though I know you'll never read this, I have to get this out, because I've been missing you lately.
You said things to me no man has ever said, nor did I think any man could say to me, or would even want to say to me.
Those sweet moments of staying up until 4 am singing back and forth to each other, or sneaking lunch break texts when the time difference was favorable, will always be some of my favorite memories. I'll never forget the joy that filled my heart when I would hear my phone go off. You constantly made me laugh; you constantly made me smile.
You know, I really did think you were handsome. You never believed me, and now you probably never will, but you were.
Your love for God and your devotion to faith was incredible, and I never thought I would meet a man with such fervor that was actually interested in me.
I would have waited for you. But would you have waited for me?
Would you have ever really accepted me, even if I had lost all that weight?
Was I really that repulsive? Were you not attracted to me at all?
"Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. That song is the thorn under my skin, thinking about you. You were almost my lover, going beyond physicality and intimacy in the flesh to something deeper, because that is ultimately what we are looking for at the end of our life when the attractions of the flesh are gone.
We used to speak to each other in music; hours of conversation would be made entirely of song lyrics and bits of covers we'd sing. So here's my goodbye song to you.
Thank you, Kenji, for all the good times. Despite the bad, I don't look at you bitterly. On the contrary, I'm so grateful to have met you, and to have been friends, even for such a short time.
Goodbye.
"Goodbye, my almost lover/
Goodbye my hopeless dream/
I'm trying not to think about you/
Can't you just let me be?/
So long, my luckless romance/
My back is turned on you/
Should've known you'd bring me heartache/
Almost lovers always do."
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