In Defense of the Church, Don't Become a Victim Blamer

In light of recent events, more horrifically awful and satanic and demoralizing than I can possibly comprehend, I wanted to pen a few words. They are regarding the flurry of activity in defending the Church and its precepts in the face of such an unbelievable and disgusting revelation of some of the worst kinds of violation on every level and idea.

Now, I will say this: I am a Catholic. I am still a Catholic, and by the grace of God, despite losing my inner repose, my sleep, and my appetite in the face of these recent events, I will remain one, my heart, mind, soul, and body grafted onto the Eucharist so closely that leaving Him would kill me.

But I am also the victim of a sexual assault; a violation that took place when I was a very young child, too young to understand its evil until I was much older and more ready to handle the pocket of Hell, self-hatred, and pain that came with it. My nausea is not just in the face of the details of these people's stories of trauma; it is also in reliving with them the details of my own abuse. I was not put into the hellacious and psychologically perverted position of being abused by a member of the clergy, no doubt telling his victim that this was "of God" and that what he was doing was "holy" and "willed". But I was violated by one I should have been able to trust, and forced to endure further hurt years later when I discovered that those who should have reported it didn't, and who have never given me a reason why they haven't. When the people who are supposed to keep you safe, protect you, and love you do the exact opposite, it destroys you. The damage that does to your being cannot be understated. I weep with these victims, grieve with them, and in a small way, understand them.

A post going around like wildfire is declaring something along the lines of, "I'm not Catholic for the priests; I'm Catholic for Jesus." As you should be. That is fundamentally true and is understandable. But you need to stop posting it.

While you post it for the benefit of all of your friends and acquaintances who are demanding (and rightfully so) why you remain Catholic, you have to remember the victims here. Once again, rape and violation has become all about the aggressors and not the victims. Think of the victims, and not of the Church's critics, when posting rants about the fundamentals of your belief in the Catholic faith. Remember, these victims have been raised from their earliest years to believe that what comes out of the Church's mouth in its priests is to be believed, and honored, even if such thinking can lead to clericalism (which is a rant for another time). Couple that with the most heinous of violations, not only in the legal statute of a Person of Trust, but in the reality of violating the most sacred of callings and vocations, and you have Hell seeping its refuse on earth. You scream, "But clergy are human! They make mistakes! They're to be forgiven!" But then you look at the victims and clam up, because there isn't anything you can think to say.

There isn't anything you can say, by the way. But my point here is to remember that tact goes a long way, and these victims deserve far more kindness and understanding than the clergy does in loud-mouthed defense of the profession and vocation.

I'm not saying don't defend your faith. I am saying kindness and love to those who have been trampled by those claiming to speak for our Faith goes much further than, "Well, I don't go to church for the priests anyway." With that line of thinking, you're crossing dangerously close to victim blaming, and worse, victim negation. I know that those posting these things mean well, and there are a few posts that manage both tact and a hearty defense of what Catholicism actually is, but please don't take advantage of the fact that you don't have to live every day wondering why they did this to you, why those others didn't help you, why they didn't care enough to do the right, just, and legal thing, why you're the one who gets to live with the shadow games of concealing and lying.

All I'm asking is please love first. Before you proselytize, love. And if you must proselytize, do so in defense of the victims, not in defense of their aggressors.